The Cruise II

Here are some geology pictures first. It always astounds me. I love those curls in the rock, you can see how so many thousands, millions years ago this rock material was crushed together and this mountain formed and now we're here, looking at it. I long to see this place without snow, just as I long to see it without water, like how is the ocean floor here? I want to see it all in fastforward or fast uh, fast rewind, like how did it all come together? I love those pangaea gifs where you can see in superspeed how the continents floated around earth.

But I'd just also take seeing this place without snow. There's more snow than there has been in years, I think. It's everywhere. I'm up to here with the snow. I want to beat the snow with a shovel! And I will. And there's nothing snow can do about it!

What else have I been up to? Trying to survive, I guess. It's the two week mark now, I've been here a little over two weeks. It feels longer but also shorter, just how it did in Japan. It's hard to tell time when you're adjusting into a new place. I'm still in culture shock, from what I read I will probably be until like a month after I get home. I get to go through it all again when I get back, yay! I don't want to sound ungrateful but I have had a hard time and I've been in that stage where I hate everything around me. I hate the snow quite a lot. I hate how I'm eating too much, or my body aches all the time or how my depression is a bit hard to handle here. 

I think it's also been a bit hard because my project is kind of different now, it's very personal and also kind of intense. I'm doing a project with women who have been through sexual abuse and rape. I'm kind of focusing on what happened but also what happened afterwards. How they felt. Because this isn't science, I can just focus on feelings. But it's complicated and hard. It's a difficult subject to tackle and yes, it has a lot of personal ramifications to me too. I'll talk about later in another post, when it feels like it's a good time.

But that's also making this process difficult for me, plus added on to that the pressure of wanting to create something that would be worthy of this difficult, delicate subject and the women who tell their stories to me. 

I want to take other photos than nature photos but it hasn't been the right time plus dear God the weather. I'm afraid to ask people to pose for me in snow and wind. 

I've been watching the crows. Watching a lot of Netflix. At some point, I will begin my cycle of Kimmy Schmidt again but I think I will do it closer to May, or the end of May, because then there will also be season 3!

I have also started to sleep with earplugs so that creaking of the house doesn't wake me up. That's about it. I'll try to be a little more interesting at some other point.