The Ice

I heard a certain Viking named Greenland because he was trying to trick people to move here by saying it's really green and lush here. I don't know if the story is true, but certainly Iceland or Whiteland would have suited better. Unsurprisingly, there's a lot of ice.

It's a quite fascinating season for ice now; the spring is here and summer is fast approaching, so you see dripping and melting ice everywhere, revealed under the snow, gathering in the beaches. And falling from the roof. We get huuuuge icicles in here and they make a lot of noise when they fall down. Back home, there's this very specific whoosh when the snow falls from the roof in big blocks. My cat is deadly afraid of that sound, he puffs up his tail and sometimes spends the rest of the day in the other end of the house. I always used to laugh but now I'm kind of getting him. When alone in the house here, especially at night, all the snow and ice comes clunking and crashing down, it's pretty scary.

I've been exploring beaches here and the snow forms quite beautiful textures. It's melting fast and the last few days we've had a bit off warmth and a lot of sun. I hope this means I will get to see some of summer-y Greenland as well. The beaches are really beautiful, the water is blue and clear and I kind of want to just jump in. It makes no sense, I know it's cold. Though not super cold, I tried it with my fingers... But seriously, it has to be so cold. No, don't even think about it.

I found a big bone on the beach the other day. I took it with me, I'm a bone collector. I'd like to do something with bones but I guess I'd need quite a lot of them and yeah, I don't know what I'd actually do. If I had a lot, I'd like to make some kind of an outfit. Maybe like a crinoline of bones? That would be badass. And incredibly time-consuming but hmm, I like that idea. A bone crinoline and a bone corset. 

At the beach, I saw this little birdie also. I don't know what bird this is? Some are quite similar to Finland, like seagulls, which are probably exactly the same here, except bigger. So big we're going into Hitchcockian territory here, I feel. While I was walking around the beach, suddenly a very agitated duck jumps into flight right in front of me, I guess it was hiding in the weeds or something. It was quacking like crazy and I almost got a heart attack. Automatically, I yelled: "Sorsa perkele!" (you effing duck!) at the top of my voice. I'm so glad nobody understand Finnish here.

There are also crows a lot. They make a funny noise, I didn't know crows sounded like that. Some people think they're creepy but I quite like them. They're supposed to be really intelligent and able to communicate a lot with each other and remember people and events so I'm kind of tempted to start feeding them. Maybe then they'd like me and be my friends and pose nicely for my photos. I could be the crow lady. Maybe they'd follow me when I fly home. 

There's also an area here called the Valley of the Ravens. That's so Game of Thrones. And there's also an area of the city called Ghost Town, or in Greenlandic it's something like the "the little black ones". I guess there have been ghost sightings there. I might walk past it some day but will not sleep there, that's for sure. 

Today we have a meet & greet at the museum for me. I feel quite nervous about it. I'm not good with crowds or talking in public or, in fact, talking to more than maybe three people at once. Especially if I have to talk about myself. In private, I love talking about myself, let's not lie about that. But in public? It's really quite daunting and I'm afraid I'll stutter or be weird or say something weird. I think with a bigger crowd, it's that I can't gauge all of their reactions. One-on-one, it's easier to decipher what the other party might think or feel and adjust to it but with a crowd, you can't really please everyone or try to appear smart for everyone. A lot of insecurity issues here. 

My project is still completely unfocused and chaotic and I know it's how it is at the beginning and might be for a long time still. But it's hard to accept because I'm the kind of person who wants to get everything done as quickly as possible so as to avoid being late or disappointing people etc. So I have issues with trying to take things slow and just let them come. In a way, I'm really very unfocused and chaotic myself about my project, about my residency and let's not even get into about if I'm a proper artist or what is art and all the other stuff that will just spin me into oblivion. I think self-doubt comes with the territory and comes with my temperament and won't go away no matter how much I want it to. I'm trying to live with it and give myself some space and mercy but by God, it is not easy.


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