The Monday

Today is a bit better. I'm awake and I'm alive. The weekend was a bit rough, I'm sorry when I sounded so negative. I know I did, I'm kind of a negative person, but I'm trying to move it towards realism. Not optimism, that's never gonna really be me. But anyway. Today I'm alive.

I spent the weekend mostly alone in the Art Museum, where I have a little residency apartment. I was kind of daunting, especially with jetlag and culture shock. And a really big old wooden house that makes all kinds of noises. At times, there's a whooshing noise and then just when I'm about to fall asleep, there's a knocking noise and yes, it makes sense pipes would make that kind of noise but oh my God is it creepy when you don't have your bearings and everything you know and love is hundreds of miles away.

Also, my residency guide said, when showing me around the place and coming to a locked door: "This is the cellar. There's nothing funny in there." And everybody knows that's like saying "little did she know..." So of course, all the weekend I'm passing the cellar door and looking at it and thinking if there's nothing funny in there, she would never have said that and when she said funny, I don't think funny haha. It was also locked from the outside, which made me think even more that there's something in there that should not be let out. However, the small voice of reason in the back of my head said: of course it has to locked on the outside, if it would have to be locked from the inside, how would anybody get in there? Or get out?

Anyways, this morning I feel I bit more like myself, or something. I went for a morning walk and decided I'm gonna start taking these really high sets of stairs every day. Or trying to at least. They're close to where I live and while climbing up is kind of a bitch, it's not so hard that I wouldn't be able to do it and it's gonna be really good for my health. Climbing down, I slipped and fell on my butt. Climbing up, a lady was passing me by and she also slipped and fell. She smiled at me with slight embarrassment and I smiled back, trying to signal it's totally fine, we all fall sometimes. It was kind of moment we had there, I think.

Then I walked around town a bit. It feels really different now when it's a weekday, much more bustle. If I don't happen to glance at the mountains or the sea, it's quite a lot like Oulu, where I live. I hope the snow would melt as soon as possible so that I could really feel I'm in a different place.

I also shopped a bit. I seem to have some horrible problem that I just always have to buy something if I'm in a grocery shop. In Japan, I ended up in a grocery shop almost everyday and bought all kinds of exotic things. In the end, I had a fridge full of stuff I never even had time to eat. In there it wasn't so bad because everything was cheap, but here I should really learn to manage my money and also just not buy stuff I don't really need. But I saw a really tempting seed bread and a couple of mousses I could not say no to. Just look at them. Aren't you jealous?

There's also a lot of really sweet-looking fresh stuff they're selling now that's it's not a weekend anymore. There are a lot of those Danish-type bread, filled with fish and all kinds of lovely things. There was also locally made sushi, which I really have to try someday. Today I still have chicken wok leftover from yesterday. See how hard I'm trying to plan what I eat and how I live?


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